He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
