They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
