He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize