I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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