So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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