I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
