I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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