i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
