her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize