wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
