New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
