it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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