So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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