So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
