This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
