I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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