I hope mine doesn't look like that
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
