Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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