I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
