i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
