Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
