fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
