there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
