If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
