i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I still have a little drunk in my system
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
