i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
