i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
