just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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