i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
