tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
