ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
