Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
