The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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