I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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