Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
no you cant smoke seaweed
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
