he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
