I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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