I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
