I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
