alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize