IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
