We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
