shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
