I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
