we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
