Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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