I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
