My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
