she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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