tell your sister to shave her snatch
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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