ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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