accomplished twins. life is a go
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
