Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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