i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
