he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
