So drunk its hurt
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
