i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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