I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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