So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
