Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
