I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
