just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
