Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
