she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
