I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
