I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize