i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize