she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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