Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize