You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is the high leading the old right now
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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