Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
