It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
