Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
