can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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