Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
