can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
