Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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