So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
