she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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