i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize