Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
