im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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