hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
