Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
