I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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