once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
