I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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