umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
