i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
there is glitter all over my balls
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
