Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
