we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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