More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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