Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
