I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
