I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
