1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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