..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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