Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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