I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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