I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
